Sheils Writes

Just an 80's girl in a modern world!

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60+ mid life ramblings, Scorpio, she/her, former nutmegger, current Floridian, forever dreamer

  • Holiday spirit

    So, what is holiday spirit?  It’s a feeling I believe.  I can’t remember the last time I truly felt the spirit of any holiday – the 2 big ones are coming up and I’m sitting here stumped on what to buy people and that seems like I’m missing the point, yet again.  Many years ago, in the 1970s my Dad would take us 3 girls to the 5 & 10 store, I believe it was called Greens  – he had each of us pick out something for Mom.  It wasn’t about the cost of the item, it was just that we picked it out for her – sorry about the sponges Mom, but I vaguely remember one of us getting you a pretty wreath pin.  Regardless of what we gave you, you were grateful and appreciative – if I could bottle up your reaction to how that made me feel way back then, I might start to slowly build spirit back into my holiday.

    Then there were years in middle school that we exchanged with our friends, real simple gifts, yes, the lifesaver book would usually land on my desk in one of my classrooms, the clip on koala bear sometimes found its way to my home, ribbon barrettes, toe socks, candy cane pen, stickers, cards from friends with just their signature, Peanuts come to mind and Ziggy.  I got on the bus with a little bag full of treats, filled with excitement that we were about to be on Christmas break.  Lazy days, no alarm, family and friends coming over at random times with cookies and gossip.  If I could bottle that feeling, I might just find some more holiday spirit start circling my orbit.

    Fast forward to my first serious boyfriend, who is now my husband – seeing him come over with Snuggle the Bear and Scoundrel perfume by Revlon, yeah, it’s a gift, it’s materialistic, but it was just a small something and my eyes lit up, my heart felt a warmth inside.  This was a boy and he was giving me a real Christmas present.  I think I need to recapture that moment in time and put that in a bottle of spirit to carry around with me also.

    So my spirit toolbox is starting to come alive – I have a grateful, appreciative Mom in there, I have a Dad who wanted to see his wife smile and his daughters feel good that they were part of making that happen. I have friends from middle school in there and now I have a boyfriend in there.  Guess what eventually goes in there?  An engagement, and now 2 children of my own who had many elementary school holiday boutiques where they got to buy reasonably priced gifts for their Mom & Dad – every year my husband got a small toolbox, every year he smiled so big when he received that gift.  I received several small ceramic heart shaped jewelry boxes with “Mom” proudly written on the top.  I’m hoping my children felt as good as I know I did when I was able to give my Mom her gift that I chose specially for her.  Kids, if you are reading this, guess what?  I was really happy!  That feeling is now also going in my spirit bank as well.

    Years are suddenly passing more quickly.  I want to cherish and savor these holidays as they go by in a blink.  I don’t want to rush all over and go broke, watch December turn quickly into January and sit there with a pile of credit card debt and no warmth in my heart.  I am making a promise to myself this upcoming holiday to savor the season.  Find spirit in the simplest of moments.  If I get a little lost along the way, I’ll cue up some Nat King Cole, make a hot cocoa, call a friend for some good old fashioned gossip and bake a batch of some yummy cookies so I can smell that familiar smell from many years ago in my childhood home on Christmas break week.

    Who knows, maybe my husband just might walk through the door with a teddy bear and a perfume from CVS, well, because I think that’d be pretty nostalgic and it just might be time to pick up some lifesaver books for my coworkers!

    May your holiday season be simple, peaceful, a little crazy, but most of all my wish for you is that you can build your own spirit toolbox of your best memories that fill your heart with warmth and a glow that makes it one for the memories for years to come. 

    Christmas, 1970s

  • Strength comes from the weakest moments

    Emotions are really wild – I had planned to write a piece about hurricanes, but it’s flipped and I’m going to go with emotions to start – basically because I’ve felt every emotion possible to a human in the past week due to a hurricane.  Today is what would’ve been my Mom & Dad’s 66th wedding anniversary.  So, I did what every good daughter does, I called my Mom and I cried to my 90 year old Mom about work and being tired.  We talked, then we changed the subject 3 more times, because that’s a given when on the phone with Mom, and we ended up laughing.  I just called my Mom and cried.  I needed every second of that phone call and then I cried again when I told her I’m lucky to be calling and crying to her.  I didn’t want to upset her, but well, I’m a Scorpio, there are years and times I’ve held in emotions, then there’s the one minute that they just all come out, and well, there you have it.  Thanks Mom.

    Now, for what it’s worth, anyone in the mood to hear about hurricanes?  Well, hurricanes and emotions and zodiac signs and full moons, just all get pretty wild I guess.  I evacuated my manufactured home.  We were very lucky to have stayed with great friends  — more on great friends another time because that in itself is worth an entire post.  I can’t sum that up in one sentence here.  We rode out the storm with talking about everything from ancestry to favorite baseball teams and how hard it is find good pizza in Florida!  We lost power for 4 ½ days.  The unknown of when will it come back wreaks another kind of havoc with just wanting the feeling of normalcy.  It’s unfamiliar, its uncomfortable. Grateful, yet again, for one of many wonderful neighbors in our community who let us plug into his generator saving our ‘fridge and having hot coffee each morning.  Grateful for all those who worked endlessly to restore our power in a relatively short time overall.  I saw my son twice, each time helping us out, bringing us emergency supplies he was smart enough to stock up on, us, not so smart – we are working on that for next time.  I watched a neighborhood grieve at losses of carports, roofs, lanai’s – I watched a neighborhood go above and beyond to help each other.  Um, yeah, to say I’m  not getting teared up again right now, that would be a lie.  I watched people put food at the end of their driveways, just because some feeling of normalcy and food were comfort.  I watched organizations drive through with megaphones yelling “hot meals”.  I cried, again.  Humanity stepped up.  Kindness showed it’s ultimate place in my world.

    Emotions and hurricanes are just going to be a continued part of life for me.  I’ll ride them out to the best of my ability and take from them everything I can — resiliency, happiness, sadness, uncertainty, darkness, light, hopelessness, hopefulness, weakness, strength, endless kindness of others. 

    Hurricanes are the ultimate in stirring up debris, emotions will forever do their part to stir up life.

    Ft Lauderdale, FL 1983

  • Searching for old records

    One of my favorite pastimes

    Record store!

  • Simpler times (for me)

    Looking through old pictures I realize I don’t have any of me doing activities, I was (still am) a quiet person.  Growing up I liked craft classes on a Saturday morning, laying on a lounge chair in my backyard flipping through Tiger Beat, Glamour, Mademoiselle or Seventeen magazines, swimming in the above ground pool we were lucky to have (thanks Mom & Dad!), and apparently, as you can tell from this photo, after a swim, reading a book.  Who didn’t love V.C. Andrews creepy “Flowers in the Attic” series of young children hidden away in an attic?

    Lately, I don’t do this leisurely reading activity.  When I was young, I read constantly.   Perhaps because there was no internet, shows to binge watch, true crime networks that I get lost in until I fall asleep.  I truly loved reading.  I miss it.

    This weekend I’m going to read a book … there … I’ve put it in writing so now I have to do it.  I’ve chosen Kirsty Greenwood’s, “The Love of My After Life”, a lot less morbid than those children in the attic from what I’ve read on the back cover.  Words like ‘hilarious’, ‘laughs’ & ‘romantic comedy with added magic’ sounds good to me.   Looking forward to escaping into a good book.  Soothe my teenage soul that’s still in there somewhere who needs to put her phone on silent, stash the tv remotes in a drawer, and reignite her passion for lazy days just reading a book.

    Reading a book. 1980ish.

  • School days…

    Feeling nostalgic seeing all the back to school pics being shared.  Grateful for the many I’ve found in my collection of photos from my life.

    I was the 3rd (& last) child.  There aren’t many photos of me (last child syndrome, big sister, you know you have the most!), but I do seem to find a lot of first day of school pics!  I think there’s such a hope surrounding that one day, so much excitement, anxiety, looking forward to seeing friends, new clothes, haircut & lunchbox!  Oh, and, possibly learning some good fraction stuff, who doesn’t love fractions?!

    In this pic I have a binder!  Maybe it was a prop! This is 2nd grade.  What does a 2nd grader bring to school today?  Hopefully a binder to fill with newfound knowledge as well!

    I had no idea at this moment what life would turn me into, but I do remember walking to school with my sister, meeting my teacher & classmates, having recess & going to a speech learning center because I said “spaghetti” … puhs-ghetti … I appreciate the nice special ed (apologize if that’s not politically correct) lady who worked extra with me to straighten that out!  I also freed the jail in many games of steal the flag during gym!  Not to mention kite day & the silver tuna, the Scholastic Book Fair!  A fair for books!  It does not get better than that.  Well maybe just on parachute day!

    Rock it students of today! These are the times of your life!  May your lunchboxes be full of tangerines & ring dings & your thermos full of apple juice!  It might not contain the amount of sugar mine did, but enjoy every drop!

    Back to school! 1972 🌼

  • Monday morning (again)

    I can’t help but think about the feeling I get, yet again, still, every Monday morning…I feel like my 8 year old self, as a ballerina dancer, awkward.  Confident as sh*t that all is going to go well & on schedule with my morning routine, but then the awkwardness sets in.

    5:30 am alarm, ok, but now at 58 years old, the first few stretches aren’t quite those of an 8 year old ballerina.   Anyways, from here it can only get better, right?!  Wrong.  Time to pack the lunch bag, several uncomfortable dance moves have now occurred in my kitchen, my favorite is the plié over the cat who is determined to snarl up my routine.

    Wait for it, the big finish, the shower.  Here we go.  Several twists & turns later, I have some semblance of hair & make up ready & time for my costume.  Let’s see, it’ll be something fancy thrown together from the pile barely put away from last Friday after work.

    I take my final bow as I head to my car.  Another Monday morning awkward dance routine is in the books.  Today I scored about a 3 out of 10, but watch out, by the end of the week I’m a disco queen, stay tuned for those moves!

    June 1973

  • Prime day, post menopause and politics

    I’m spiraling.  Way too much is happening in way too short amount of time.  Did I see Hulk Hogan on tv last night?  Kid Rock?  Am I in some sort of Alice in Wonderland trip down a rabbit hole?  What is going on?  Bob Newhart.  Shannen Doherty.  Richard Simmons.  All passing away.  A disturbing rendition of our national anthem.  Make it stop!  Somewhere in the middle of this Amazon hosted their annual Prime Day, which I like to call my own personal “Christmas in July” treat myself to some random item, so check that off the list (pictured below, my fire tablet and keyboard case cover score from that day) – appropriately playing Beverly Hills 90210 on Pluto TV, of course.  Oh, and I decided to finally complete my first ever application for a passport, which I’m happy to report is on the other end of the MicroSoft CrowdStrike outage I woke up to this morning.  Again, please make it all stop.  I think some weeks are better than others.  This will be one I need a few days to recover from.

    My post menopausal brain is in overload.  I understand brain fog, but brain “I have no clue what is happening” is another story.  Perhaps I will stay off the tv, except for old episodes of Beverly Hills 90201, well and I know I’ll be binging the Karate Kid on Netflix tonight, Season “I don’t know what will happen this time” – I hope Daniel LaRusso and Johnny Lawrence can bring some sanity to end my week, but that’s a big ask, I know.

    Prime Day 2024

  • Get out your lava lamp, latch hook rug and record player and join me in my pretend old-fashioned days…

    It’s 2024 I know, but in my head I prefer it to be the 1970’s to 1980’s and I consider this perfectly normal behavior for a 58 year old woman.  Every day I like to revisit parts of my childhood, in one small way or another.  I may pick up an old book I might’ve read back in those days or snack on a candy (see picture below) that evokes a memory to a simpler time.  Honestly, I think that’s what this is all about, just grasping at simpler times.

    I have very good memories of the long gone days of the late 1970s to early 1980s.  I was a kid.  I didn’t have a lot of responsibility.  I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up, although I thought maybe an actress or a ballerina seemed like perfectly normal professions (spoiler alert:  I became a secretary).  I once participated in a Miss Norwalk Seaport competition, however I did not win and this could be where things took a turn and I began to grow-up and out into a world where I became, gulp, responsible (ick).  Prior to that life altering moment, I have many great memories of just having fun.  Don’t get me wrong, I had fun after that major defeat, I just think it was a telling moment in my life where I knew I needed a different path.

    There was no social media back then, no trying to impress my peers.  I do remember being genuinely happy back in those days and I think that’s why I want to revisit them more and more as I grow older.  Lately, the 24-hour news channels, although I get sucked in, are a bust in my eyes.  When I can tune into The Love Boat or Family Ties (thank you Pluto TV) for several hours, I’m much more relaxed.  Add in a bowl of Lucky Charms or Froot Loops, a few hours working on an old school craft project and my Trixie Belden books by my side, I’m happiest here and if that works for me, that’s really all that matters.

    Simpler times

  • Life is like a dashboard read out light…

    I think me and my car are on the same page, we could both use a little “MAINT” (short for maintenance in case you didn’t know).

    It’s funny, these read out lights on my dashboard that won’t go away.  As I drive to work every day, I try to think what can I write about, as this blog is getting less frequent and ideas aren’t coming to me as quickly as I was hoping.  Today, it was like a lightbulb went off, well, or a read out light on a dashboard and the words “MAINT REQD” just staring up at me.

    My car is getting older as am I.  We are both ready for a reboot.  I used to fix problems faster.  Now I let them be, maybe they’ll fix themselves.  Worrying all these years hasn’t really changed a whole lot of outcomes, I’ve learned.  At the end of the day, breathing and moving around seem to still be happening and that seems positive.  However, these lights reminded me about my self care ‘toolbox’ and not to forget the main ones, hydrate, sleep, eat healthy and laugh.

    I’ll get the car checked, soon, and the tires have plenty of air.  The lights just stay on as a reminder to check myself and I appreciate them for that.

    Dashboard

  • Happiness

    The ending to my story will definitely include the word “happy”….

    Why are people so sad?  Not everyone, but a lot of people in my direct orbit, seem, well, sad.  I don’t spend my days screaming from the rooftops about how happy I am, because I’m not.  Sure, it would be great, but it’s not real.  However, I do spend part of every day being in some realm of the form happy and I believe many others do, more than they realize.

    I’ve spent a lot of years struggling to ‘be happy’ or ride the ‘life is good’ wave, however I’ve stumbled upon more sadness through the years than happiness, so I’m not writing from the clear blue sky here.  I’ve had Stage 3 colon cancer at 53 years old, I know what sadness is.  While I’m no expert, I do think we’ve got the upper hand on the happiness market.  There’s no store where you can go and buy it, there’s no “add to cart” and there, you’ve got it.  You just have to make it happen as best you can.  Somedays, possibly, fake it ‘til you make it.

    I start my day with a big groan, at 5:30 AM.  I ache.  I go through an odd bunch of wake-up techniques to sort of get revved up again for another day of not ‘doom and gloom’ but ‘ok, this isn’t so bad’ type of life.  I don’t spend the next 8 hours of my work days bouncing off the walls full of happiness, but I do have an overall ‘good enough’ feel to my work days, and again, that’s OK for me.

    I think we, collectively, are putting too much emphasis on happiness.  Like it’s this thing you have to achieve.  Chase it, hunt it down, corral it, add it to your chemical make-up and then be it.  That’s giving it way too much control.  It’s a state of mind, just as much as sadness is a state of mind.  Let them marinate throughout the day and do their thing within and around you.

    “Don’t let anyone dull your sparkle” is one of my favorite of all the terms.  Today, I will find happiness in my 1980s themed life that I live in.  Don’t judge, leave me alone, I’m happy there!   Tomorrow, I’ll stay in that world and I’ll add in a trip to the beach, at night, when no one is there and it’s not crowded.  Again, don’t judge, leave me alone, I’m happy there!  Throughout every day, I’ll snap pics of blue skies, I’ll read for 5 minutes (my attention span lately for reading), I’ll take a walk or a bike ride, I’ll sit by the pool.  None of these are saying ‘wow, she’s got to be so happy, look at her’, and I don’t want them to say that to anyone.  I will be happy doing these things and that’s good enough for me.

    Think about some of this, if you’ve read to the end, my one or two faithful readers.  I hope you can start enjoying some parts of your days on this earth.  If we are granted another day on this earth, we have to keep going.  Why not make your own happy ending to your story to the best of your ability.  Only you can do that, no one can do it for you.

    Signed,

    Me & my happiness team of, well, me!

    You are your happiness team, no one else

    Happiness is a toy store! 🩷🌺📚📸🌞