Sheils Writes

Some changes recently have come with some deep reflection on life as I knew it and life as it moves forward.  I may not be alone in this reflection.  I wanted to write it out while it was fresh in my mind – then I hope to change to a lighter blog post later in the week.

Yesterday was Easter.  As I spoke to my Mom on the phone, she said ‘it’s your 60th Easter’ and she got choked up, which in turn got me choked up.  Thanks Mom.  I’m grateful I can still talk to my Mom, don’t get me wrong, but wow, the emotions are wild.  I went through a box of pictures of holidays of past, in my childhood home — siting at a table with my Grandpa (gone), my Dad (gone), my sisters (not gone), my Mom (not gone), my childhood home (gone – well sold, it’s still there but I can’t walk through the front door or around to the back porch anymore), me (not gone, but moved to another state).  OK, stay with me, this doesn’t end sad, I promise.

Grateful for my beautiful granddaughter who I’m so lucky to live close to now, grateful for my son, his amazing wife, their fantastic home.  My home, my husband, all good, all alive.  Missing my other son, my Mom (they live in another state).  Missing something that isn’t tangible though, sights, sounds, smells of days gone by.  I struggle to process all this change which happened in about a 2 year period for me, some by my choice, some not.  While I love it here in Florida (thank you Sunshine State for bringing me absolutely gorgeous weather year-round & no state tax, you win there!), spring time and Easter in Connecticut were somehow a little different, but perhaps it wasn’t the state itself or the season, but the generation that is faded from that picture – Mom cooked up one hell of a meal, put out the white and blue china dishes every Easter, made a jell-o mold we used to make fun of, but it was really refreshing, there was the ceramic rabbit platter full of jelly beans and peeps, ok, not about all that – or is it?  No, it’s not.  It’s the missing puzzle piece to life right now that I keep searching for, I may never find it because the people on the face of that piece have drifted away.  However, the old memories never go away while I’m busy making new memories.  I’ll find what works, I’ll buy a Jell-O mold and get Mom’s recipe from her.

Anyone else feeling an emptiness and a fullness at the same time?  I think we need to fill it with Jell-O.  I told you I could turn this around and steer it away from sadness – the key is Jell-O.  Mine has to be green, with pineapple chunks in it.  Let’s continue the traditions, let’s keep the voices, faces and little dish of Jell-O going.  Jell-O is the closest correlation I can make to life right now – it connects me to days gone by and days to come – it comes as a powder in a box, it changes to a liquid form, it becomes solid, you can mold it and add fruit, it jiggles and it makes me happy!  Jell-O is life.  I can even still make fun of it if I want, but it just might find a way to make me not miss everyone so much and for that, I remain grateful to Jell-O in all of its various life forms.